Let's Be Honest
I’m going to be honest today so if you’re not ready for an open Christian conversation, stop reading now.
I’ve chosen to remain anonymous and you will find out why.
Today I’m only going to mention one thing I struggle with. I STRUGGLE TO BELIEVE PRAYER WILL 'ALWAYS' MAKE EVERYTHING OKAY!!!
Yes, I said it!
It feels weird saying that, only because of how I was raised. I was born and raised a Christian, even my surroundings outside of the home were predominantly Christian. I was always taught if I pray, it will be alright. I was taught to believe God will come through for whatever bad situation I’m going through, so I prayed all the time with that in mind. You may resonate with that.
Even now, if you come to me with a heavy heart, I will tell you to pray about it. If your loved one is critically ill in hospital facing death in the eye, I will still ask you to pray about it and try my best to convince you if you pray hard enough without giving up, it will get better. To be honest with you, deep down I really don’t know if I believe it will get better. I don’t know when exactly I came to that realisation and I’ve no idea when I’m going to start being honest about all this to everyone I talk to.
I want to be honest when I speak to someone about what I believe or don’t believe but I know how judgemental we are as Christians. The conversation will probably end up turning into a debate or argument and, to be honest, when it comes to this subject, I really don’t have that energy.
I’ve read the story of Hannah; what a wonderful story of hope and persistence (1st Samuel 1&2). If I’m to be honest with you though, I really don’t believe if I walk into a hospital and lay hands on someone fighting for their life, they will be made well. I can’t confidently say you will have the same outcome as Hannah if you do exactly what she did. I’ve witnessed thousands of prayers for the sick, people with stage 4 cancers and other terminal illnesses, none of them recovered. I’ve witnessed more deaths after prayers for healing. What does that mean?
I’ve been told it means it’s not yet God’s time. I’ve also been told to pray until something happens. What is that something? Is my relative going to get better or they are going to die? That’s what I want to know. I’ve been told prayer builds character, I don’t know if that’s the answer you’re looking for when you go on your knees to pray. This is something I struggle with.
I’ve been a Christian all my life but if someone comes to me with these questions, I can’t say I’ll be able to help with ‘truth’ I believe. I can tell them what I’ve been told, not what I believe. I can tell them what I hope for, not what I know for sure.
I’ve said the famous words ‘I’ll pray for you’ so many times but if someone was to strap me to a lie detector test, I know for certain the result will be dismal. Sometimes I say it because it’s simply a rehearsed response. I don't always believe my prayer, or anyone else's, will make a difference. I want to believe the way Hannah did but maybe I’m missing something.
I know anyone who thinks as I do is normally labelled ‘faithless’, maybe that’s why I would rather not say anything. So, I’ll probably continue saying what you want to hear while I figure this out or maybe you can share your thoughts in the comment section below.